I want you to do yourself and your beard a favor: take inventory of your beard grooming toolkit. Do you have a bearded arch nemesis? If you find any of the following ingredients in your beard grooming products, assemble them into a lovely gift basket and send it to your nemesis. This advice might sound drastic, but you just need to ask yourself one question…

How important is that glorious mane of yours?

If you’re cool with your beard shriveling up into a crusty hairball which looks like something washed up from the ocean, then, by all means, carry on. But if you feel your majestic thatch deserves more, then get ready for a revolution.

Just as there are ingredients that can help your beard appear healthier and fuller, there are also chemicals which can ruin all of your beard goals and dreams. They’ll wreak all kinds of havoc to your facial hair, as well as your skin. So we went ahead and compiled this quick list of things to steer clear of when it comes to your beard grooming products.


Sulfates come under a variety of names, but all of them typically results in dry and brittle hair prone to breakage and split ends. They can also cause cell damage.

Therefore, it’s a good idea to take any products containing sulfate to the backyard and place it on a sturdy wood chopping block. Then grab your ax.

Isopropyl Alcohol

It may sometimes be good for hygiene, but alcohol also dehydrates your hair and skin. Using alcohol, or a product containing alcohol, on your beard can strip away its natural hydration as well as the natural oils it has which keep it smooth and healthy. Alcohol can also kill the good bacteria living on your skin and in your beard, which can have a negative impact on the health of your beard as well.

Luckily, your beard is going to make it. Just get yourself some natural beard oil, to rehydrate your precious man whiskers and smother it in healthy oils. It might also be a good idea to have a beautiful woman stroke and pet it back to health.


While not usually an ingredient in and of itself, there are other chemicals (such as Imidazolidinyl Urea and Diazolidinyl Urea) that can produce formaldehyde as byproducts. Formaldehyde can cause allergic reactions, hair loss, dizziness, and even cardiovascular and respiratory problems.

Call your local poison control ‘cuz this shit is Bell Biv Devoe POISON.

Mineral oils

Experts typically feel that you should use natural oils from plants instead of mineral oils. Mineral oils can seal up your hairs and keep them from taking in moisture; this same sealing effect can also stop other products from having an effect as well. For example, if you’re also using a beard oil to increase the health of your beard, a mineral oil will block it from being absorbed; rendering it useless. In the ingredients list on products, mineral oils are often listed as petroleum jelly or paraffin, so avoid products with these ingredients.

Feed this stuff to the weeds in your garden.


Similar to mineral oils, Dimethicone can make your beard appear shiny and healthy. Unfortunately, it also seals your hair and prevents it from absorbing moisture and nutrients. It can also block your pores, resulting in skin rashes, itchiness, even acne, and ingrown hairs. It’s especially important to avoid dimethicone if you have sensitive skin.

Products containing dimethicone make good target practice.

Polyethylene Glycol

This is something to definitely steer clear from because it can result in hair loss. It can also damage the texture of your beard, causing it to become stiff, rough, and crunchy.

Burn it to the ground. Actually, be careful, it could be wildly flammable.


This is another chemical that can dry out your beard and skin and result in split ends and breakages. If you want a healthy and shiny beard, avoid products that contain chlorine.

Hasn’t chlorine already caused enough damage in your life? Like how it burned your eyes at pool parties when you were trying to check out the hot babes in the water?


Phthalates most often found in certain types of plastic packaging, but can also be found in personal care products. These chemicals can negatively impact your hormone levels and sometimes even lead to sterility problems and birth defects. They’re considered so harmful that they have been banned from being included in certain products, like children’s toys.

So yeah, not even your garbage deserves to house this stuff.

In conclusion, it’s super important to be cognizant of what you’re putting on your body. You wouldn’t drink poison (well, except maybe alcohol), so why would you put it on your face and beard?

Now that you’re partway through revolutionizing your beard grooming products toolkit, it’s time to restock with all-natural products.

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